As you’ve already guessed, I’m Katie – nice to meet you! At the time of writing this, I am a technical writer by day, but by night I am a Reiki student, a novelist in the making, a doll artist, and a generally curious soul on the path to my highest and greatest self. I’m in my mid-thirties, happily single, and working on my next big adventure.
I hope you are doing well. I’ve found myself thinking about wishes a lot lately, both in terms of what I am wishing for and wishes in general. I’ve found myself listening to two songs over and over lately – Airplanes by B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams of Paramore (linked above) and Wishing On A Star from The 10th Kingdom (which is a FANTASTIC miniseries – I highly recommend it if you like fairytales). What I really like about these two songs is the message that we can wish on things other than stars.
Okay, yes, I know we wish on candles and we can always wish without wishing “on” something, but how often do we do so? When was the last time you made a wish? I don’t know about you, but I’ve always found it easier to wish for something to benefit someone else – like “I wish for my friend to get that job she wants” or “I wish for Mom’s test results to come back clear” – it is just so easy to offer a quick wish or prayer for something to work out in someone else’s favor. But when it comes to making wishes for myself? I find myself feeling almost…guilty, I guess, about making wishes without having a reason to do so – like seeing a shooting star or blowing out the candles on a birthday cake, for example. I know that goes back to the ongoing inner work I’m doing to acknowledge my own worth, and yet, when I think of making wishes, I keep thinking about Into the Woods – I keep hearing these warnings to be careful with my wishes. I hear these warnings echoed when it comes to discussions of manifesting what you desire – be careful. Identify your why. Know that the universe will choose the easiest path – beware of situations like “The Monkey’s Paw” by W. W. Jacobs.
It’s easy to see why wishes on my own behalf can be…scary? bad? something to think through? There are certainly enough examples in literature and film that offer warnings about making wishes for some form of personal gain. But is it really wrong to want something that benefits one’s self? I don’t think so, not at all.
It is not wrong to dream of success, abundance, love; it’s not wrong to want more or to want to make your life better somehow. I think it is absolutely okay to make “selfish” wishes…with the caveat that it work out for the highest and greatest good of all involved. With the caveat that it brings no harm. With the caveat that we understand if the wish doesn’t come true, it is because it would not actually be in our best interest – and with the understanding that if we aren’t granted one wish, it is because something else is in the cards for us. That’s the attitude I’ve been reminding myself to take as I listen to those songs about wishing. I’ve been reminding myself that I’m allowed to wish for anything I currently desire, so long as I end the wish with “let it happen for the highest and greatest good of all” – and that’s helped. It has helped with that odd guilt I feel over making wishes for myself. I’ve been wishing for things for myself and the betterment of my own life for the first time in a long time – and I sincerely hope you feel comfortable doing the same. I hope your wishes come true, so long as they are in the interest of the good of all involved in the outcome. I hope you feel comfortable making big wishes, life-changing wishes, wishes that would result in a dream-come-true feeling of bliss for you. I hope you wish and wish often, my friend. You deserve to wish – and you deserve your wishes to come true.
I hope you are doing well and that your weekend is off to a good start.
I think I’ve already mentioned my recent interest in tarot and oracle readings, yes? I’ve been doing relatively frequent readings to just check in and get some guidance on what I need to work through, particularly in terms of keeping my mental and emotional health on the up and up. In my readings lately, this card has turned up quite frequently. I know I have some negative thought patterns I am working on breaking…and I suspect you have your fair share of ones you would like to break, too. Let’s chat about that for a bit today, shall we? While I can only speak for myself, I hope the rest of this post is of some use or relevance to you, too.
I hope the weekend has been treating you well. In today’s post, I want to reflect on lessons I’ve learned from my mental health journey. I hope that what I’ve learned may in some way help someone else to avoid falling as far as I did in 2018. I hope that what I’ve learned helps someone else.
I’m not sure what to write today. What I had planned to share, upon discussing it further with the person involved, well – permission to share was rescinded to preserve their mental health. And that’s absolutely okay – it is their story to share if and when they are ready and while I think it offers an important perspective in terms of mental health journeys, I’m not willing to jeopardize their journey in favor of clarifying my own. I’m…well, I’m sad and worried and regretful that my mental health journey is still such a pain point for them when I am doing so much better. So I guess what I want to talk about today is guilt.
Today I want to talk about two bracelets I wear daily.
The first says “You’ll Never Walk Alone” and is based on a song with the same name by BTS. Susie gave it to me for Christmas. I wear it as a small but shiny reminder that even in my darkest moments, I am never alone. Regardless of how isolated I may feel, there are always people in my corner, whether I can sense them there or not. I am always being supported and loved – and wow, what a mindset shift from last spring. I hope you know, my friend, that you are never alone in your journey either. If you are feeling isolated right now, though, I want you to know it is okay to feel that way. I also want you to know that it is absolutely worth it to reach out for help. ❤
The other bracelet I wear came with my donor gifts from donating to The Office of Letters and Light last November, in support of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). The rubber bracelet includes a small sword graphic and the text “The sword with with I slay the beast called doubt.” Now don’t get me wrong, I know the bracelet is meant to refer to the doubt that can cause a writer to stop writing, but I’ve taken it to mean so much more. Given the text is on a bracelet, it serves as a reminder to me that I wield the sword that slays my doubts and fears simply by continuing to actively use my mind and body to chase the reality I want to create for myself. I have the power to choose to defeat my doubts.
Between these bracelets, the tattoo on my wrist that affirms “Every Mile Will Be Worth My While“, and the many, many positive affirmations I have saved to my phone to refer to as often as needed, I have many little reminders that keep me going on days when life seems just a little harder than usual. What about you? What little reminders do you rely on to help you through?
I’ve decided to save the Lessons Learned post for Saturday.
Okay, that’s all for today, my friend. I hope the rest of your day is lovely.
As mentioned at the close of yesterday’s post, the remainder of my recovery journey to now had a few other bumps. I’ll be discussing those moments of backtracking before continuing with how positive things have been. As with previous heavy topic posts, please note that this one may be a painful read, at least for the first few paragraphs – if you want to skip it, I understand. The post does include mentions of suicide, so if that is a trigger for you, please go ahead and avoid this post, or proceed with caution. Okay? Okay. ❤
I’ve decided to split the discussion of 2018 into two posts – this first one will deal with what is arguably the worse months of my life to date and the second will deal with going from utter and complete darkness to fully believing the universe has my back. As with yesterday’s post, I know this one is a hard read, so feel free to skip it if you worry it will trigger you in any way, or proceed with caution. Okay? ❤
As I think back on the first half of 2018, I can’t help but think of the Shawn Mendes song “In My Blood” – I don’t think there is another song that better encapsulates my mindset from October 2017-July 2018.
Whew, okay. Today’s post is going to be…yeah. I’m hoping cathartic for me and somehow useful for you. Note that I will be discussing the onset and persistence of suicidal thoughts in this post, so if that is a trigger for you, please skip this one or proceed with caution. As always, if you or someone you love needs help, please reach out for help – https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-hotline-phone-numbers/. Let’s go.