Tag: dropping levels

Journaling & Lists

Katherine HansonLeave a comment

Dear friend,

Welcome to the second tool in the Dropping Stress and Anxiety Levels toolkit series.

As a life-long lover of lists and shiny journals/pens/washi/stickers, journaling and lists remain two of my main go-to tools.

I think my love of journaling started in elementary school, when I got my first set of colored pens. Do you remember the Pentel R.S.V.P. set that came in bright blue, purple, and hot pink? Oh my goodness, I went through so many of those sets in elementary, middle, and high school. When I was in elementary school and middle school, I was also fascinated by the idea of keeping a diary, especially one with a lock, though I struggled to figure out what to write in it. I clearly remember at least four different diaries that ended up half-filled at most. In high school, I kept a composition notebook and colored gel pens handy for doodling, sharing notes with friends, and jotting down story ideas for my creative writing class. By the time I left college, I had a small stack of fancy journals I had splurged on with my allowance over the years, some partially filled and some as yet untouched. Have you also struggled with journal purchases and thoughts like “I can’t use it yet, my writing isn’t good enough?” or “I don’t have something worthwhile to add and I want to use it for something special”? My therapist reminds me frequently that journals are meant to be used.

Don’t even get me started on my sticker obsession that ramped up in 5th grade and led to me decorating my journal and school agendas. I also have a history of using post-its for list-making almost daily for many years, from groceries to weekend tasks to quotes I like around a problem I’ve been noodling on (such as self-worth, doing hard things, grief, and more). Is it any wonder that, when a friend mentioned bullet journaling in 2016, which can so easily combine my love for list-making and my on-again-off-again diary entries, I immediately grabbed my sticker collection and started one?

But how does that help with stress reduction, Katie? Thanks for asking! For me, whenever I journal, be it jotting down short lists, quick thoughts, spending time making a more in-depth entry, or decorating my planner, it is so easy for me to find “the flow” and to be present in the moment. Even when my thoughts are all over the place, when I’m sick, or when I’m so stressed I can’t see straight, I find at least brief respite when I take the time to put pen to paper. Furthermore, a recent study shows that our brains are more active when we handwrite things than when we type them. I’ve noticed this in practice, especially when bullet journaling, even when simply setting out my layout for the month or week. I feel more focused, more present, and more engaged when I’m doing things by hand.

That said, I still keep a daily journal on my phone with the Day One app (not sponsored, just the one I’ve used consistently for over 3.5 years), even if all I upload is the photos from the day a few short (and I do mean SHORT) notes on the highlights of the day. Of course, there are days where I write a ton, but when I’m scrambling for time or otherwise exhausted, the photos and a brief note are the way to go.

I journal by hand, too, though I usually limit the set-up and more in-depth entries to the weekends when I can devote more time, energy, and creativity to the practice. I like to do a mix of bullet journal lists and more detailed entries on how things are going, events from the week, and upcoming plans. My current journal is very much a planner, doodle-storage, and diary all at once. What I like most about keeping a bullet journal is that there are so many ways to make it work for me. A quick scroll through this community of bullet journalers, which I’ve been enjoying for years, quickly shows how unique and helpful the practice can be.

Plenty of reputable posts already extol the virtues of journaling (for example the University of Rochester Medical Center here and the NHI’s National Library of Medicine here), but I think the most important thing to remember is that the practice is what YOU make it. Write daily, a few times a week, a few times a month – it’s up to you. Personally, I find having specific journaling goals for specific timeframes makes the practice far more successful than my childhood diary-writing. Daily, I am to keep track of my goals for the day, keep a gratitude list, track my tarot readings, and note any “well that happened (good, bad, weird, etc.)” moments, which takes all of 2-10 minutes. Weekly, I like to check in on what worked, what didn’t, and what needs to change going forward; this is usually a list of notes from the “What worked” conversation I have with my sister Saturday or Sunday mornings. The conversation and note-taking from it usually lasts anywhere from 10 to 45 minutes depending what tangents we follow based on the insights shared. Monthly, I like to layout my calendar, take note of tasks with deadlines, birthdays, grief anniversaries, and fun events, so that I’ve got a quick at-a-glance schedule to review. On the last weekend of the month, I sit down for 30 to 90 minutes to sketch out my trackers, decide on the goals I want to track, and decorate my planner.

But what about when the stress and overwhelm is so high that journaling seems like a step too far, trying to organize my thoughts into something Future Katie can look back on an understand? These situations are the perfect time to make one of my most useful lists. I like to make a table of all my current stressors with three columns. In the first column, I write down each stressors. In the second, I write down whether or not the stressor is within my control – is there a way for me to reduce it? Yes or no or not at this time. In the final column, for ones I marked “yes”, I write down the steps I will take to make a difference in reducing or removing the stressor. For the ones marked “no”, I write down why they aren’t in my control. Finally, for the ones marked “not at this time”, I write down when they will be in my control and what I can do in the meantime. Just getting all this information on paper can help me stop or at least significantly limit the rumination train, because it gives me a visual to refer back to when I remind myself “I don’t have control over that” or “I have control and I need to do this as my next step.”

What about you? Have you tried keeping a hand-written journal? Do you enjoy making lists? How does writing help you as a tool, if you currently use it as part of your toolkit? If you don’t currently use it as part of your toolkit, did this post give you some options to try?

Thank you for being here and reading my loving rambles on journaling and lists. Geek with me in the comments on the best places for journal supplies (Jetpens, Kawaii Pen Shop, Coral and Ink, Etsy, others?).

Until next time, I wish you good rest, insightful self-reflection, and renewed interest in your own favorite tools.

Love,

Katie

Meditation

Katherine Hanson3 Comments

Dear Friend,

Welcome to the first tool post in the toolkit series for Dropping Stress and Anxiety Levels.

I’ll be the first to admit I used to always roll my eyes at the idea of using meditation as a tool. It was so, so, SO hard for me to start the practice, so why did so many people keep recommending it? Ugh, didn’t they know how annoying it was to be told to try being present and mindful and focus on the breath when I felt like I was vibrating out of my skin with anxiety or like I was deep in the bottom of a well of depression? Like, y’all, really?

For so many times of trying, I kept getting distracted and left every attempt feeling frustrated. I found it especially hard since I often started trying to get into meditation during some of my worst mental health periods – either I was extremely down on myself or so anxious I felt like I couldn’t see straight and like I was grasping at any recommendation that might help. When I tried meditating, it was next to impossible for me to find stillness and mindfulness in the moment when my mind was running at max speed on a rumination highway.

What didn’t work for me when I tried to start a meditation practice in those headspaces were:

  • Focus on the breath
    • When I was deep in a depressive episode or dealing with severely heightened anxiety, my breath was often either too slow or too fast, and focusing on it had me worrying an asthma attack or a panic attack was imminent. Logical? No, but that’s where my mind went more often than not in my first few attempts at building a practice.
  • Focus on an affirmation
    • I had limited success with this at first. While I could find an affirmation I liked and could focus on it for a minute or so at a time, I didn’t feel like doing so was helping at all. In fact, sometimes it made me more anxious because it felt like I was lying to myself.
  • Set a timer and try to watch my thoughts pass by like clouds or the messages on the ring around an arena.
    • For a long time, this was a surefire way to send me into a rumination spiral, which was absolutely NOT the goal of the practice.

Looking back, I know I was very against even trying it in the first place, let alone trying again and again. Part of the reason for being so anti-meditation was that I was looking for a quick fix, an immediate solution, anything, really, to feel better NOW. Heh, welp, meditation was and is definitely NOT a quick fix for me, but it has become a very worthwhile ongoing practice.

What did work, and helped me finally build a practice, was guided meditations. I found this one from The Lune Innate to be most helpful; it has always made me feel comforted and safe. A shorter one I like to do is a coffee or tea meditation like this one.

As for focusing on affirmations, I’m at a point now where, even when it initially feels like lying to myself, I still persist in telling myself positive affirmations and rewriting my personal stories because I know my brain will start to believe it eventually. I actually started affirmation work in 2017, before I realized my medication was failing, because I felt something was wrong, and I needed to see positive messages. I started my affirmation and reminder boards in my Instagram saved folders that year and have steadily added to them since it makes it easier now to find a phrase I want to focus on in meditation or simply as a reminder to say to myself throughout the week.

I’ve even reached a point where I can practice seeing my thoughts passing by. If I get too distracted, I return to counting my breath (in 2, 3, 4; hold 2, 3, 4; out 2, 3, 4; hold 2, 3, 4 – boxed breathing is my go-to breathwork practice because it usually doesn’t aggravate my asthma). This form of meditation brings me the most insight, from watching my thoughts with patience and curiosity, after spending months building a practice of starting at 2 minutes and adding a minute per week. I’m now able to practice this form of meditation for 15 minutes or more at a go. However, after several minutes, my dog is usually jumping all over me for playtime, so I usually can’t fit in more than 15 minutes unless I practice right when I get up or right before bed. 😅

But why keep trying if it is so hard? Good question, thanks for asking. For me, I had several motivations:

  • I found that my stress monitoring app showed lower levels (based on heart rate) on days I meditated.
  • On days I was able to stay calm throughout the meditation practice, I felt so much more grounded and relaxed afterward, even when only doing breathwork for a minute or more. It made me curious about how much more chilled out I could feel if I practiced longer.
  • I sleep better on days I meditate, especially when I also hit my hydration and movement goals, but even if I just meet two of the three, my sleep is usually significantly better per my Auto Sleep tracker app.
  • On days I meditate, I am often less grouchy afterward and I find it easier to practice pausing to respond rather than having a quick reaction.
  • All in all, I just like the way I feel when I meditate, which is why I kept trying to build the practice and why I keep it up regardless of my stress or anxiety levels.

By meditating regularly, I find myself more resilient and better able to handle the days when I do have heightened levels. As my therapist often reminds me, it is important to practice my tools when I’m feeling good so that it is easier to use the tool when I’m not feeling good.

As my meditation practice has grown over the past few years, I still find guided meditation is the easiest for me to use, especially if my symptoms have spiked. When I’m in a good headspace, I can do the breath focus, affirmation focus, or watch my thoughts flow by, but I didn’t reach that point until I had tried multiple times and had built a steady practice with guided meditations first.

Of course, I’m not saying that meditation will “absolutely, without a doubt, guaranteed, I swear” be a fantastic tool for your toolkit since the right tools vary depending on what works for YOU. The best advice I can share when seeking new tools for your toolkit is to give each one a fair chance to work. A fair chance in my experience has meant trying it for a few weeks, building slowly. If it still isn’t working for you, that’s absolutely okay. It just means it isn’t the right tool for the moment. If it still interests you, you can try it again later. It’s good to practice curiosity and give yourself the grace to try new things or try things again.

What about you? Do you have a regular or semi-regular meditation practice? If so, what keeps you practicing? If not, why are you most interested in building one?

Until next time, I wish you ease in trying new things, comfort in practicing old faithful ones, and many moments of peace throughout your week.

Love,

Katie